What constitutes a friend?

So, clearly there are some people in my life who don't know what it means for you to be my friend. Yet, when they want something they sure as shit tell someone they're my friend. So, here's my list on how to be my friend:

• Be someone who I can actually stand to be around
• Be someone I know I can confide in and it not get around to the rest of the world
• Hang out with me somewhere other than a function in which we have to be at (Girls Night Out, playgroup, work, family function, etc)
• Give me a call every now and again (I know I suck at this too, but hey I work and try to manage a mommy and me group) I will eventually call you back
• Don't criticize me having a drink (or 4) on the weekends (sorry my husband is cool about it and yours isn't)
• Don't talk shit behind my back and think I won't find out
• Invite me and my family to do things with you and your family
• Miss me like I miss you! Keep in touch even if it's just via emails/facebook/myspace/blogger!

Basically, do as I do- be nice and have fun and don't use my name just to get yourself something. Don't say things that are hurtful just because you're jealous or don't like my lifestyle. It's my life, not yours. I don't criticize people and they way they live, so don't do it to me! You people know who you are and I just want you to know, it is very hurtful to me and I don't appreciate you being a BITCH.